


Taako, Give Me the Umbrella

by TaraHarkon



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, umbrastaff shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-02 19:48:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16311584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TaraHarkon/pseuds/TaraHarkon
Summary: In which Barry realizes something very important about the umbrastaff.





	Taako, Give Me the Umbrella

In one world, Barry Bluejeans died in the fires that destroyed Phandalin and his lich form rose from the black glass and sighed. Of course, he'd gotten killed by his wife's relic. Of course, he had. And of course, his flesh boy self had been too stubborn to go with Taako, Magnus, and Merle to get what clues may have been down there. But in another world, he had gone with them. In another world, Barry Bluejeans survived Phandalin and made it to the Bureau's moon base. In another world, Barry Bluejeans was one of the Reclaimers. In that world, he walked into danger just the same as the others, with a sword and his side and no knowledge of the magic that should have been at his fingertips. In that world, there was a weight in his chest that dragged at him no matter what he did, but it seemed to lessen when Taako was around, even if neither of them understood why. 

* * *

 

They had gotten separated in Lucas Miller's lab and Taako had turned, yelling as he ran towards where Barry had gone.

"Come on, I'm not leaving without Barry!"

And when he headed through the airlock into the section Barry had run into, Taako came up short. A figure lay on the floor in a crimson Bureau-issue containment suit with his helmet cracked and his suit torn and a red specter floated in the air above him. The Red Robe turned as Taako entered the room and he seemed like he was scrubbing at his face under the hood. Then he looked at Taako and stopped.

"Oh... oh shit... Taako, bud, I know what this looks like, but you gotta trust me here. It's me, it's [static.]"

His words dissolved into static as Taako stared at the figure on the floor. Barry. Barry was dead. And the Red Robe had killed him. That was the only possible explanation for what he was seeing. And Taako's veins burned with sudden fury. This wasn't just some stranger no better than dust on the road, this was Barry. This was his friend, his companion. He raised the umbrastaff, leveling it at the Red Robe. Then the dip dropped hard and Taako stared at it in confusion.

"Alright, fancy pants umbrella, the whole doing shit thing is nice when I'm in trouble, but only one of us can call the shots here and that's gonna have to be ch'boy. You got that?"

He raised the umbrastaff again and it flicked to the right, continuing to refuse to aim at the Red Robe. The specter was staring at Taako in confusion, hands raised defensively.

"Taako, please, you don't understand... you... There are things you've forgotten and [static]. Please, you have to trust me."

Taako forced the umbrastaff, gripping it with both hands, and shouted a single word that rung with arcane power. It should have been a scorching ray. It should have done a pretty good amount of damage to the lich regardless of how powerful liches were. Instead? Instead, the room began to echo with music. It started with a piano line but soon a violin took up the melody line and Taako's head ached. He felt dizzy as he listened to notes that hung in the air. Then the Red Robe slowly lowered his hands, his eyes on the umbrastaff in Taako's hands.

"Oh... oh holy shit. Taako, Taako, bud, you need to break that umbrella. You don't understand, but... but that... It's really important."

Taako pulled the umbrastaff closer to him even as the Red Robe moved closer.

"Whoa, whoa, creepy dude, you this is my fucking staff. I need this shit to cast my spells."

For a long moment, the Red Robe just froze, red lightning crackling through his form. A bolt of crimson energy shot out of him, crackling as it hit the wall.

"Taako, you don't understand. You need to... you need to give me that umbrella. Give her to me, please."

Taako blinked, confusion clear on his face. Then he looked down at the umbrastaff.

"Her? It's an umbrella, my dude."

In that moment of distraction, the Red Robe surged forward and grabbed the umbrastaff, trying to wrench it out of Taako's hands. Taako tried to pull it back, falling backward to the floor. The umbrastaff popped up into the air and the Red Robe dove for it. When it landed in his skeletal hands, he looked around for something to break it against. And that was when Magnus and Merle ran in. Merle started to raise his holy symbol and the Red Robe pulled back. 

"Merle, just... just give me like two minutes. That's all I need and I'll get out of your hair. This is the first hope I've had in like... ten years, buddy. So just... just let me do this, okay?"

The cleric hesitated just long enough that the Red Robe could slam the umbrastaff against a support column with both hands. The umbrastaff snapped in half with a solid crack and Taako shouted, throwing a hand up to block his eyes from the sudden flare of light. Then a moment later, a second Red Robe was floating in the room, this one phantasmal and resplendent and surrounded in flames. She looked around the room in confusion.

"Taako?" She glanced back at the other Red Robe. "Bear, what the fuck is going on?"

Taako sat up from where he was on the floor and rubbed at his eyes for a moment. Then he stared at the second Red Robe, a slight frown on his face.

"Holy shit, my dude, were you in my umbrella?"

Magnus ran forward, looking at Barry's corpse on the floor, and then over at the two Red Robes.

"Merle, grab Taako. We need to get out of here. And call the Director. She needs to know about this."

* * *

 

Barry hugged Lup as tightly as he could, glad they were both in their spectral forms at this moment so he could. He rested his forehead against hers.

"Lup, Lup, I thought... I thought you were gone. I thought..."

She put a skeletal finger to his mouth, silencing him with a smile.

"Never again, Bear. Now come on, we need to split and you need to fill me in on what the fuck happened since I left. Who the hell is the Director?"


End file.
